Beauty N Geek

Note : This is a guest post from Tess Earnshaw's Webb 



We all checked out of our various hotel rooms and piled into the cars.  A bunch of us, loosely from the same dorm, had driven down from the U to watch the men’s basketball team in the finals.  We won, so that morning everyone was laughing and joking and in good spirits.  I was in the front seat of Scott’s car, and his sister Renee and our friend Heather were in the backseat.  We were one of a caravan of cars headed home.

We were laughing and joking in Scott’s car.  Most of the jokes centered on Scott being a geek.  I remember him saying “You’re just lucky this geek has a car.”  Scott wore glasses and was an Engineering major, but other than that he seemed like a regular guy.  He laughed with us easily and seemed not the least bit uncomfortable having three girls in his car.  He wasn’t skinny, but actually fit.  He wasn’t strikingly handsome, but more the kind of guy with average looks that could grow on you.  His sandy brown hair was cut short and he was clean shaven and had clear skin.  He was more nondescript than anything.  Then Heather got a text on her phone from Mel in the car in front that said some folks in her car wanted to stop at the Renaissance Fair for which we had just seen signs.

Scott’s face lit up. “Cool!  I love Renaissance Fairs.  That would be awesome.”

“That’s because you’re a geek,” said his sister Renee.

“If you mean because of the sci-fi fantasy books I read, then yeah, you’re right,” he shot back with a sheepish grin.

“What is it like at a Renaissance Fair?”  I asked, because as an English/Journalism major I had had my share of Renaissance literature classes, and actually thought I might like to go.

“It’s awesome.” answered Scott immediately.  “It’s like going back in time.  People walk around dressed in period costumes.  They put on jousting shows and demonstrate industries like blacksmithing.  There are also tons of booths where you can buy clothes, pottery, weapons; all sorts of stuff.”

“Sounds like a blast,” returned Renee as she rolled her eyes.

“No, really, it is,” said Scott.  And then just to me he said, “You should go, really.”

I was silent after that.  Did he think I should go because I was interested or because he wanted me to go with him?  Did he like me?  How would I feel about it if he did?  Was I attracted to him?  Well, I wasn’t not attracted to him.  I decided it was best to assume he meant nothing by it.

When we stopped a few miles later for gas, it turned out most people wanted to go to the Fair.  With a little rearranging, Renee and Heather got a ride back with some folks continuing on home.  Scott and I got back in his car and followed the others towards the fair.  It was not awkward at all and the laughing and joking continued even though it was just the two of us.  Scott, it turned out, was just an incredibly funny and easy-going guy.

When we got to the Fair, we all started out as one big group but it soon broke into a boy’s group and a girl’s group, as the guys got hung up in the weapons tent and the girls gravitated over to the jewelry.

After an hour or so, I let myself get separated from the group and started wandering around on my own.  I was browsing through a period clothing tent, eyeing the bustiers for some reason and sizing up if they had ones large enough to fit me.  They did.  As I turned to leave, there was Scott at the entrance to the tent peeking in.  We noticed each other at the same time.  His face broke into a grin.  Had he been looking for me?  Had I been looking for him?  I couldn’t really say, even to myself.

“So, see anything interesting?” he said.

“I’m trying to decide what would suit me.  Shall I dress like a tavern wench or a royal lady?”

“The wenches had more fun.  But I think your teeth are too straight.”

We both laughed.

It was then, standing just inside the entrance to the clothing tent that my cell phone rang.  It was Mara, my best friend from high school.  She attended State college, closer to our hometown so we didn’t see each other as much.

“Lacey, what are you doing?  Can you meet me for dinner?  There is someone I want you to meet!”

“Dinner?  Maybe.  Where are you?”  I looked at my watch.  It was almost 3:30.

“I’m actually just south of the U.  I didn’t think I’d be nearby, but Dave surprised me and took me to Engleton’s.  I told him I wish I’d known because I would have invited you.  But he said to just call you up.  We’ll hang out nearby at the dam until you can get here.”

“Who’s this Dave?” I asked, laughing.

“That’s why I’m so desperate for you to come.  We’ve been seeing each other for about a month now, and I’m dying for you to meet him.”

“Sounds like fun.  I’d love to meet Dave.”

“So can you come?”  I had turned away from Scott to take Mara’s call and was staring blankly at a clothes rack, but I could sense that he was still right there.  I was starting to feel a connection, like maybe he had come to find me.  Did he like me?  Did I want to just leave before finding out?  Did I want him to like me?  I still had no idea.

“Well, listen, I’m not home.  I’m actually at a Renaissance Fair in South Orange with a bunch of people from my dorm.  I’m not that far from Engleton’s, but I didn’t drive myself.  Let me see what I can do and I’ll call you right back.”

“Okay.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

I turned to face Scott and was startled slightly to find him right there.  I mean right there.  Close.  Looking at me.  Leaning in.  And then he was gently kissing me.  I responded, kissing him back.  So he kissed me harder.  His mouth was cool and fresh and as our tongues touched I felt a thrill of electricity shoot through me.  Then we had our arms around each other.  Now there was definitely attraction.  I felt tingly all over.  Actually there were waves of tingly rippling through me.  He was a fantastic kisser.  I had been kissed before but not like this.  This was not dutiful prom date kissing.  This was not I’m young and bored and want to explore kissing.  This was kissing that said I want you and only you.

I realized that I had been looking for him after all, hoping this would happen.  And I realized he had been looking for me.  Only me.  Because he liked—me.  After a few minutes we stopped kissing, but just pulled back a little with our arms around each other.  He was smiling.  His eyes were twinkling like he’d just told a great joke.  Mine probably looked the same.

It was me who spoke first.  “I really do want to leave and go meet Mara.” I said.  “Would you like to come with me?”

“I was hoping you would ask.” he said.

“Did you think kissing me would up your chances?”

“Something like that, yeah” he said.

I reluctantly let go of him and pulled out my phone.

“Mara.”  I said, after she answered.  “It turns out I have someone for you to meet, too.  His name is Scott.  I just met him yesterday and it turns out he’s a great kisser.”

I held the phone out from my head so Scott could hear Mara’s laughter.

“About five then?” I said, back into the phone.

“Okay, then, bye.”

I put the phone away and said, “Let’s get out of here.”

Scott took my hand and kept it all the way back to his car.

“Did you want to tell anyone we’re leaving?” he asked.

“Nah, they’ll figure it out when we are both missing!”

The End

Contributed by aspiring romance writer Tess Earnshaw.

5 Pitfalls to Avoid to Achieve your life goals

Note: This is a guest post from Clay Andrews of The Path to Passion

I don’t mean to be a downer here. If you’re interested in optimizing your life and living it to the fullest, you probably have a lot of big goals and dreams. It’s important to focus on what you want and to use that as motivation to move you forward.

However, it’s also important to be realistic about the common pitfalls that people tend to get stuck in as they work toward their life goals.

Here are 5 common things I’ve seen in others (and myself!):

1. Pursue Material Success Above All Else

It is easy to get mesmerized by the thought that your life would be perfect if only you had more money, a bigger house, or a new pair of shoes.

Don’t get caught in the trap of chasing the best and brightest new thing. I’ve been there myself, and all those new toys lose their luster after a few short days or weeks.

Though those things may make you feel good for a while, it is important to realize that those good feelings of confidence, joy, and happiness come from within you, not from the object

2. Wait for “Someday”

You’re busy. I’m busy. Everyone is busy these days. Somehow it seems like a struggle just to find the time to go grocery shopping or get the oil changed in your car.

It is easy to put things off on the “someday” list, especially if taking action frightens you or you’re unclear about what the next step should be.

However, it is important to realize that unless you actively make the choice to change your situation and take control of your life, your dreams, or the direction you’re headed, you will just keep drifting on the same course you’re already on.

Living the life you want doesn’t happen by accident and it doesn’t happen because your to-do list is finally complete and you can, at long last, find the time to concentrate on what matters. The only way to get the life you want is to take action and make time for it.

Make your goals a top priority and you won’t run the risk of endlessly putting them off until they reach the graveyard of “someday.”

3. Settle for Less Than What You Want

I know it can be difficult to go after what you want. You pour all of your effort into getting that dream job, asking that special person out on a date, or getting started on that new diet only to be met with disappointments.

After a little bit of failure, it is only reasonable to think that you’ve just set your goals too high and that you should settle for something a bit more “reasonable.”

However, settling for less isn’t going to give you what you really want. It will also develop a belief in your mind that you can’t get what you really want or that you don’t deserve it. This kind of thinking will limit your motivation or the amount of action you’re willing to take to go after other things you want in life.

4. Avoid Fear and Uncomfortable Situations

I get it. It’s tough to walk into your boss’ office and demand a raise or go up to that hot girl at the bar and introduce yourself. It’s frightening. You don’t know what will happen, and there’s a reasonable chance that you may not get the desired outcome.

However, it is only through reaching outside of our comfort zone that we can begin to expand what is possible in our life.

It’s the things we have to work for and take a risk to get that we treasure the most in life.

Yes, you might experience the sting of rejection, but the courage needed for taking a chance will start to build, like any muscle that is exercised, and you’ll begin to become more bold and courageous in other things in life too.

5. Choose to Believe Discouraging Thoughts

We all have negative thoughts. There is no denying that. However, we do have the choice to believe those thoughts or not.
And it sure is easy to believe them. After all, we thought them up or someone “important” told them to us, so they must be true, right?

Keep in mind though, that just because you have a limiting or discouraging thought about your own abilities or value does NOT mean that you have to accept that belief.

You can choose what beliefs you are willing to accept and which ones you are not. Even if you’re unable to control anything else in your life, you can always control your thoughts.

***

The important thing is to not feel bad if you see yourself in any of these 5 pitfalls. Often, we may not be aware of what we’re doing so you shouldn’t feel bad when you discover something counter-productive. Instead celebrate its discovery and correct course as needed.

The journey to achieving your life goals may not always be a straight line, but finding your path amidst it all is one of the biggest joys in life.

Clay Andrews is a relationship advice blogger. He loves meeting new people, so stop by his website, The Path to Passion, and say hello.

Photo by Per Ola Wiberg

UNWANTED PERSON

I saw you sitting there today.

Once a valuable part

Now not treated as such.

Society used you up

Took everything it could want

Then you changed

For good or bad

And your value was less desired.

Turned you into a debt

A beggared

Not a prize.

So now you sit on the sidelines.

Who will help you?

Who will come to your rescue?

Who will pass you by…

Turning an unwanted eye…

Away so to avoid…

What seems to be an unwanted person?

A kind of person allowed to reach a sublime mark

And place on those around a demand.

No need to help you be whole,

Or at least fit in.

Can you be whole?

Do you demand it?

Society's need for love and fixing is not to be complete

It is to get you on your feet, then leave you on your own.

It should be to bring you back into the fold,

Make you one of us rather than leave you one of them,

So you are once again

Where and what you should be - US.

  

Just to explain, I was driving down a street today and saw a man in a wheelchair waiting for something, or someone. He had a heavy jacket on but was sitting in direct sunlight and it was hot!! My emotions just hit me and I had to pull off the street and sit in the car while I teared up and dealt with the images that flashed in my mind, this poem. I talked with him for a couple minutes, he had been to a doctor's appointment and was waiting for a scheduled pickup; so he was pushed to the edge of the street and left waiting (basically at the discretion and schedule of someone else). While reading my words I hope you experienced a sense of what I felt, it was not comfortable at the time and not while typing the words. You can make a difference in the life of someone, so do it whenever you have the chance.  Andy

Posted 2/19/11
Via : Andy's Blog http://andybryant.com/

Introducing Resolutions Tracker : An App That Helps You Keep Your Resolutions

Note : This is a Guest post from Donald Latumahina  http://www.lifeoptimizer.org 

Last week I wrote about HabitMaster. Actually I don’t want to write about my apps two weeks in a row, but – since we are in the beginning of a new year – I think it’s the right time to introduce this app to you.

A few days ago I released a new app for the iPhone and iPod touch calledResolutions Tracker. It’s an app that helps you keep track of your resolutions (including but not limited to New Year’s resolutions).

As you know, making resolutions is easy, but keeping them is not. So I designed this app to help you plan, do, and evaluate your progress in keeping your resolutions.

It’s a good complement to HabitMaster. For resolutions that deal with building new habits, HabitMaster is the app for you. But for resolutions that are not, Resolutions Tracker is the app to use. I will give you an example below.

How It Works

First of all, here are some features of the app:

• Add tasks
  For each resolution, you can add tasks to do. It helps you take real actions to keep your resolutions.
• Set alerts
  You can set alerts to remind you to do the tasks. This way you will never miss any of them.
• Check your progress
  Whenever you complete a task, it will go to your Accomplished list. By looking at your Accomplished list, you can see what you have done to keep the resolution. It will help you stay motivated.
• Grade yourself
  You can grade yourself on how good you are in keeping your resolutions. It encourages you to be honest with yourself and helps you see where to put more attention.

Now let’s see an example of how to use the app. Let’s say you have three resolutions:

• Upgrade my skills
• Live a healthy lifestyle
• Spend more time with my family

The first thing to do is to put all your resolutions into the app. Here is how it looks (you may want to turn on the option to display images if you read this through an email):

Now let’s take one resolution, Upgrade my skills. The next step is to outline what you want to do for that resolution. In this case, you should specify the skills that you want to learn. Let’s assume that the two skills that you want to learn are web design and copywriting.

After that, you should specify what exactly you will do next to learn those two skills. Let’s say that you plan to find good copywriting books and watch Photoshop tutorials. You should put them into the To Do screen.

I jumped forward a little bit here. See how those two tasks are already marked as completed? They will now show up on the Accomplished list of Upgrade my skills resolution.

To remove the completed items from your To Do screen but keep them on the Accomplished list, you can tap the Archive button on the top right part of the To Do screen.

Lastly, in the second screenshot above there is a section with five stars that is labeled Grade. You can swipe the stars to grade yourself on how good you are in keeping your resolutions.

That’s it. Pretty simple, isn’t it?

My hope is that this app can help you keep your resolutions. As I said above, I designed this app to help you plan, do and evaluate your progress in keeping your resolutions.

Click here to check out Resolutions Tracker on the App Store

Get Timely Updates

For timely updates on my apps, please join my mailing list. It’s 100% spam-free and I will give you only relevant tips and information. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Click here to join the mailing list

Thank you!

Leap year meditation

Once in four years, just once, perhaps we could:

Forgive, forget, relax, care, stand out, speak up, contribute, embrace, create, make a ruckus, give credit, skip, smile, speak truth and refuse to compromise--more than we usually do. Pick just one or two and start there.

Hey, it's just one day.

Careful, though, it might become a habit.

How To Safeguard Your Income

Note : This is a guest post from Donald Lathmahina http://www.lifeoptimizer.org

I’m a big believer in diversification. Putting all your eggs in one basket is dangerous, especially in your personal finance. Diversification is a good way to reduce your risks. The question is how we should go about diversification.

Recently, through a lecture by Professor Robert Shiller, I got a deeper understanding of diversification.

In the lecture, Professor Shiller explained that risk – in mathematical terms – is represented by variance, which is a measure of how fluctuating something is. Potential return, on the other hand, is represented by average. An investment could have a high average (that is, high potential return), but if it also has a high variance (that is, highly fluctuating) then it’s risky. Yes, you might get a high return, but there is also a chance that you would lose big. The ideal, of course, is to have a high average and a low variance.

Now I’d like to focus on the risk side of things. To minimize risk, what you need to do is minimizing variance. And the way to do that is by diversifying your portfolio. But there is one important condition: the components must be independent of each other. That is, the fluctuation of one investment must not have any effect on the other investments in your portfolio.  If you can meet this criterion, then you just need to keep adding new investments to your portfolio and you’ll reduce your risks over time.

Applied to personal income, it means that you should diversify your income streams in such a way that they become independent of each other. If you don’t do that, then you don’t actually reduce your risks.

Based on this understanding, there are four levels of income diversification (from the worst to the best):

1. You have only one income stream
   This is the worst situation to be in. When something bad happened to this sole income stream, the effect will be devastating. An example of this is salaried employees with no other income stream. If they lost their jobs, their entire income would disappear.
2. You have more than one income streams, but one of them dominates
   This is better than level 1, but the effect will still be bad if something happened to the main income stream. The majority of the income will be gone, but the good news is that some of it will remain intact.
3. You have relatively balanced income streams, but some of them are dependent on each other
   Here you have several income streams and none of them dominates. This is good, except for one thing: since some of them are dependent on each other, they could all go down at the same time.
4. You have relatively balanced income streams, with no dependency between them
   This is the best situation to be in. Here, when something bad happened, you will be able to keep going and suffer only minor damage.

Here is a good question to ask yourself to guide you in your diversification effort: What is the worst single point of failure that would be devastating to your income?

For some people, it’s losing their job. For me as a blogger, it might be getting deindexed by Google (since a majority of the this blog’s traffic comes from Google). For a business owner, it might be losing a big customer.

What is it for you?

After you have the answer, you should work on minimizing its impact. Your goal is to diversify your income streams in such a way that there is no single point of failure that could devastate your income.

It might take years before you reach that point (I’m still working on it myself), but I believe it’s an important journey to take. And since it might take years, you’d better start soon.

Photo by Caroline

Being More Effective : The Benefits Of Using Checklist

Note:This is a Guest Post From Donald Latumahina ( http://www.lifeoptimizer.org )

Do you have tasks that you need to do again and again? If you do, how do you make sure that you do them correctly every time? One good solution, as it has been proven in many fields, is to use checklists.

The Checklist Manifesto by Atul Gawande is full of stories that show how useful checklists are. In fields like building construction, aviation, and medical, the usage of checklists has saved many lives. And in many other fields, it has helped people do things more efficiently and avoid costly mistakes.

The reason why checklists are good is simple: it’s easy for us to forget things. When you do something that involve multiple steps, it’s likely that you would forget one or two of them. Using checklists ensures that you won’t forget anything.

So, if you do something again and again, and want to do it right every time, use a checklist.

Besides helping you do your task correctly every time, here are some other benefits of using a checklist:

• You can save your brain power for more creative things
  Since you don’t have to remember all the steps you need to take, you can use your brain power for something more creative.
• You can save time
  You don’t need to spend time remembering the steps, so you can devote the entire time on doing the task.
• You can delegate more easilyIf you ever want to delegate the task (for example, through outsourcing), your checklist will make it easier for you to do it. By giving the checklist to the person you delegate to, you can describe exactly what you want.

Now then, how should we create a checklist? Here are some steps I’d suggest:

1. When you are working on the task, write down the steps you take. The result will be a draft of the checklist.
2. The next time you do the task, compare the steps you are taking with what you already have in the draft. If some steps are missing, add them to the draft. You might also want to remove some steps that you think are unnecessary.
3. After one or two iteration without any update, you can assume that the checklist is completed.
4. Put the checklist in a place that’s easy to access, be it a text file, a Moleskine, or anything else you like. It’s now ready to use.

Though everyone’s situation is different, here are some things that you might want to create a checklist for:

• Morning routine
  What do you want to do every morning to jump-start your day?
• Daily routine
  Do you have something that you want to do every day? What about weekly or monthly?
• A frequent task in your work
  Is there something you need to do frequently in your work? For instance, I have a checklist for processing guest posts submitted to this blog.

One thing to remember: your checklist doesn’t have to take the form of a list. One checklist I use every day is my Daily bookmark folder. It’s a bookmark folder in my browser (I use Firefox) that contain the sites I want to visit daily. Every day, all I need to do is opening the bookmark folder and it will automatically open all the sites I want. Simply by opening it I can be sure that I won’t miss anything.

What about you? Do you use checklists?